


Field of View

by Malzysaur



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, Disability, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Getting Back Together, M/M, Maria friendly, Mentions of past Michael/Maria, Panic Attacks, Rating May Change, Violence, Visually Impaired, very brief mention of Alex/Forrest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:00:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26963308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malzysaur/pseuds/Malzysaur
Summary: Alex suffers a serious injury after a surprise attack from Mr. Jones. Michael takes it upon himself to help Alex recover. They have been working on being better friends, but the looming threat of Mr. Jones, and Alex struggling through the after effects of his injury threatens to rip them further apart. Can both men face their fears in order to finally find their homes in each other, or will Mr. Jones put an end to everything?
Relationships: Max Evans/Liz Ortecho, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes, background Gregory Manes/Maria DeLuca
Comments: 40
Kudos: 99





	1. All I see is Stars

**Author's Note:**

> I know I have two other WIPs I should be working on, but this idea would not leave me alone. I don't intend for this story to be overly long, maybe ten chapters at the most. I am also using this as a crutch to hobble my way out of whatever pit I had fallen into where I neglected my other stories. I promise to work on them as I work on this one. I hope you enjoy!

Consciousness came back to Alex in sharp bolts of white, black, and grey. His memories were scrambled and nothing seemed to fit into place or even remain in focus long enough to remind him of where he was. Muffled sounds traveled into his head which pounded in time to the beat of his heart. He must have made a sound himself because he suddenly felt someone squeezing his hand. There was a voice, closer than the other sounds in the room, that Alex tried to focus on. He turned his head in the direction of the sound, but the small movement sent a white, hot jolt of pain zig-zagging down his spine. He cried out at the suddenness. He squeezed his eyes against the throbbing and felt tears slip over and down his cheeks. His mouth parted on a gasp, air working roughly over his chapped lips as he tried to focus on a single part of him that wasn’t in pain so he could ground himself. His fingers twitched in the hand that was still caged, what he assumed was a thumb swept over his knuckles as he inhaled another deep breath. 

“Alex? Alex, can you hear me?” someone…no, Michael asked him from off to his left. Alex turned very slowly towards his voice as he exhaled slowly. 

He forced his eyelids open again, this time the world swam in hues of white, grey, and blue. Nothing had a definitive shape, like his head was underwater and he was forced to look up through the rippling waves. He tried to talk, to ask what was covering his eyes and why, but all his vocal cords could do was produce something weak and pathetic.

“Here, just a second, I’ll get you some water,” Michael stated and Alex felt the heat from his hand fall away. He heard his own pathetic whimper at the sudden loss. He hoped Michael hadn’t heard it. He curled his fingers into a fist as he struggled to sit more upright in the bed he was in. 

“Whoa, hey, hey, easy Alex,” Michael hissed as he came back to the bedside. Alex turned his head towards the voice, but could only make out blobs of color. He frowned. The new position on the bed brought back the steady beat of pain in his head. He groaned as he raised a hand to press against his forehead in hopes of easing the nearly unbearable aching behind his eyes. 

A moment later Alex felt a straw pressed against his lips while a familiarly warm hand settled on his back between his shoulder blades. Before he tried to speak again Alex leaned forward and pursed his lips around the proffered straw, drawing the cool water into his mouth and down his parched throat. After a few sips he leaned back against some very flat pillows. He blinked up at the light above the bed and winced. The harsh glare from the fluorescent bulbs sent spikes of pain into his head. 

“How are you feeling?” Michael asked after a couple beats of silence. Alex turned to look towards the cowboy, but could only frown as the colors refused to solidify into the shape of the man he knew so well. He blinked a few more times before he opened his mouth again. 

“My head is killing me and I can’t…I can’t _see_ you,” he whispers softly, “what happened?” he asks, hoping that Michael can fill in the blanks. The very last thing he remembers is sitting with him at The Crashdown for lunch only a couple hours ago. 

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Michael asks him instead of answering, which frustrates Alex. He frowns at the response, his forehead furrowed as he drops his chin a little to stare at the vast whiteness of what must be hospital sheets over his legs. How the hell did he even end up here?

“We had lunch a couple hours ago. You were pissed off at Mrs. Vázquez because she accused you of causing her car to make weird noises. We made plans to meet up later for a couple drinks at the Pony and discuss Mr. Jones. What happened Michael?” he asks again, this time an edge of pleading in his tone as he shifts again to look towards the other man. 

Alex hears, rather than sees, Michael inhale a deep breath as if fortifying himself for something. Alex knows, has lots of experience with the gesture, nothing good is about to come out of Michael’s mouth. Alex braces for it, just like he’d braced for the blows from his father, the horrors of war, and watching the love of his life leave him behind for a life with his best friend. Alex is an old pro at this, he regulates his breathing and looks ahead again as he waits. 

“Alex…that was…that was a week ago when we met for lunch. You really can’t remember anything after that?” Michael asks him softly, the warmth of his hand wraps around Alex’s again and squeezes. 

The shock of what Michael just said hits him and leaves him breathless for a moment. He blinks rapidly, searching his head for more memories, anything that happened after lunch, but all that does is cause his head to pound even more. He hisses in pain and drops his head into his free hand. He moves to push his fingers through his hair when they hit a long line of stitches behind his right ear. He flinches away from the pain. 

“Easy Alex, you sustained a really nasty blow to the head. You’ve been out for about twenty-seven hours now. Valenti said to expect possible amnesia when you woke up but assured us all it would likely only last a few days. Official diagnosis is severe concussion,” Michael states as he fills in some of the blanks for Alex. 

Again, Alex is left questioning just how he ended up in such a state. The thought must be conveyed through his facial expressions because he can hear Michael getting ready to share more details. Alex keeps his mouth shut. At least there’s an explanation for the pain rattling around inside of his skull and for the loss in vision. He hopes that that too is temporary. He’ll have to ask Kyle when he makes his rounds. He doesn’t look towards Michael again, but waits for him to reveal the rest of the story. 

“Mr. Jones attacked you. We had been keeping tabs on him since we found him two months ago, but then he slipped away from us about two weeks ago. We had no idea where he was hiding or what he was planning. You went to the Project Shepherd bunker for some files while the rest of us met at Max’s place to wait for you. We waited for an hour before we tried to call and text, but no one could get through to you. I thought…” Michael cut himself off, but not before Alex could hear the emotion creep into his voice. He turned his hand over so that he could squeeze the hand Michael still held around his own. He also hoped the gesture comforted him as much as it did Alex, in this little bubble where he could pretend the outside world had no impact on them. 

“I’m here Michael,” he whispered gently, hoping to assuage the fear he could feel rolling off of Michael.

“Yeah…yeah you are,” he breathed softly before he cleared his throat to continue, “a-anyways, we all pretty much expected the worst when we got to the bunker. The door was wide open, but no one else was around. Max and Valenti stayed outside to search for whoever could have been there while Iz and I made our way inside. That’s when we found you,” Alex can only imagine what the scene must have looked like. He can’t remember what happened, but he hates that he had to give Michael yet another horrible image in his head. He squeezes the alien’s hand again. 

“You were sprawled out on the floor, blood pooled around your head. It looked like he snuck up behind you and hit you over the head with something. I think he stole whatever files you were going to bring with you and he…he left a message for us,” Michael’s voice trembles, but this time it’s a furious anger. Alex lifts his head to look towards Michael at this.

“He used your blood and wrote, ‘I see you all’ across the monitors. Max and Valenti couldn’t find anything outside or around the bunker. We got you to the hospital shortly after we found you. Valenti let us know you had a severe concussion and that you might not remember what happened. He also said he couldn’t know what other damage would be done until you’d wake up,” he stated, and though Alex couldn’t see his eyes, he felt them running over him. 

A soft breath escaped his lips as he processed everything Michael revealed. He knew they needed to find Mr. Jones and get the files back, they needed to figure out what his intentions were and figure out a way to secure him so he couldn’t hurt anyone else. He gasped softly when a white, hot lance of pain sliced through his head. He squeezed his eyes shut against the blinding white that flashed through his vision.

“Hey, hey, Alex, just relax okay. You need to rest a little more, you’ve been through a lot in a short amount of time,” Michael tried to comfort as he eased his hand over Alex’s back. The touch was familiar and eased the sharp corners of the pain. Alex relaxed a little at the easy familiarity of the touch. He knew it was selfish to want to stay here forever with Michael, but the real world always had other plans. He had just opened his mouth to ask Michael for his prosthetic so they could start working on finding Mr. Jones when he heard the door open. 

“Good morning Sleeping Beauty,” Kyle greeted in an irritatingly bright tone. Alex felt Michael’s hand press more firmly against his back, as if trying to assert his place with Alex. Alex swallowed against the pounding of his heart and forced himself to lift his head and shoot Kyle a sarcastic smirk. 

“Dr. McSexy,” he fired back. He hoped that if he could make light of his situation then Kyle wouldn’t object to letting him leave. He didn’t need to be in the hospital for something as trivial as a head wound. He was also sure that his vision would return soon enough. He’d had concussions before, though none had ever felt like this, but he knew how to weather the ride. 

“Do you have to come bug him already? The man just woke up, give him some space,” Michael uttered, again Alex smirked because he knew Michael almost better than he knew himself and he could just imagine the glare he was shooting towards Kyle. 

“Says the guy who wouldn’t leave his side since we found him,” Kyle muttered as he moved to the opposite side of Alex’s bed. Alex turned to squint up at him, “how are you feeling Alex?” he asked him gently. 

“My head is killing me. I don’t remember anything after a week ago when I met Guerin for lunch. He filled me in on what happened to me and why I’m here. I also can’t…can’t really see anything,” he admitted softly. He hated to say it, but he knew it would become quickly obvious if he tried to leave the hospital of his own volition. 

Kyle made a noise as he pulled something from his pocket. He cupped his hand around Alex’s forehead and tipped it back slowly so that Alex was again looking up towards the blinding white light. He swallowed down the whimper of pain he felt rushing up his throat as the knife in his head started to poke against his brain. He blinked back tears, but when Kyle shone the concentrated light into his eyes, he couldn’t stop himself. He yelled out in pain and tore himself away from Kyle as he slammed both of his palms against his closed eyes. 

“What the fuck man?” Michael hissed as he curled an arm around Alex’s shoulder to guide him in against his chest, shielding him from the doctor. 

“I’m sorry Alex!" Kyle quickly apologized as he reached out and gently squeezed Alex's upper arm. He let Alex calm down before he continued, "we’re going to have to do some more tests to determine the damage inflicted and if it’s something that can be corrected. Can you tell me if there is anything you can see?” he asked him softly while he shot a glare over Alex’s head towards Michael. 

“It’s fine Kyle, sorry, just…the light hurts,” he uttered as he extracted himself from the sanctuary of Michael’s arms. He ignored the prickling of goosebumps over his skin at the loss of Michael’s heat and comfort. He opened his eyes again and slowly looked around the room. He heard the fall of footsteps and after a moment the room fell into a greyer state. Alex was thankful for that; it eased the pressure behind his eyeballs. Once he had his head back under control he looked to his right where Kyle was standing, “I see…I see colors, but they’re not distinct shapes just…like watery looking blobs. I can only make out large areas of colors so right now everything is either white, grey, blue, or red,” he stated as he looked over towards Michael who was, presumably, wearing a red shirt as that’s how he looked when Alex looked at him. He was hit, suddenly, with a longing to see Michael’s curls again. His fingers trembled with the want to comb through them, so he sucked in a deep breath and turned away from him to give Kyle his attention again.

“Your head did get pretty shaken up so I’m not too surprised by the amnesia and the vision loss. I am concerned about it so you’ll have to stay for some more testing to see if it’s something that can be reversed or if it will gradually begin to come back as your head heals.” The way he spoke sounded as if he wouldn’t hear of any arguments from Alex, but Alex hated the hospital and he hated being treated like some invalid. 

“Can’t I come back for the tests? Why do I have to stay? I just…all I want right now is to go home and sleep for a hundred years and then figure out where Mr. Jones is and what he’s planning. C’mon Kyle, please?” he asked, digging down deep to try and use his most sugary tone. 

“Alex…I really think it’s better if you stay here so they can do scans and shit and clear you of anything serious,” Michael piped in as his hand gently closed around Alex’s forearm. 

Alex frowned as he turned towards the cowboy, “I’m awake, I’m coherent, I told you everything that’s wrong with me. I said I’d come back for the tests, but for now, I just…I really just want to go home,” he uttered and he hated how petulant and childish he sounded. 

“Just, one more night Alex, please. I promise I won’t keep you any longer than it takes to run some more tests and scans. We…you gave us all a fright and I refuse to allow you to leave and potentially endanger yourself even more, hell, your vision is highly impaired, at least give me some time to consult with OT before you run off and really get yourself killed,” Kyle rants at him. 

Alex curls away from Kyle, a frown on his lips as he blinks down at his lap. He sucks in a deep breath and his shoulders fall on the exhale. He hates being a burden. He hates having anyone worry about him. He hates this entire situation because, when he thinks ahead, he realizes he’s going to need help, need to rely on other people. He slumps back down against the uncomfortable pillows, his unseeing gaze skyward as he concentrates on the rise and fall of his own chest. He can feel the tension rolling off the two men on either side of his bed. He hates the way his eyes prick with tears so he closes them to hold them off. 

“Fine,” he whispers so softly, his brow furrowed with emotion as he consciously works to keep himself still and appear calm. He doesn’t want to make them worry any more about him than they already are. 

“Good, thank you Alex, I swear I will work to get you out of here as quickly as I can, I just…I need to know you’ll be okay, alright? You’re my best friend…I want to make sure we have a lot more time to piss each other off,” Kyle jokes gently, trying to work a bit of levity into the situation.

Alex can’t stop the snort that leaves his lips. He’d never admit it out loud, but he is so thankful for Kyle being back in his life. They had grown up practically brothers, so the bullying and abuse in high school had hurt almost more than anything Jesse Manes could ever do to him.

“Alright, alright, you got everything you came in here for, now can you leave?” Michael interjected, his tone petulant and Alex could only imagine the look on his face. He’d never understand Michael’s jealousy towards Kyle, but it never ceased to cause Alex’s heart to pound a littler harder. 

“If I come back and he’s not here, better believe I will be blaming you Guerin. And, I will get the authorities involved,” Kyle threatened as he started to move back towards the door, “I’ve got a few hours left of my shift, so I’ll be back later to see you. I’ll also wait another hour before I let anyone know you’re awake, so you can thank me for that now,” he states again, amusement clear in his tone.

Alex huffs a soft laugh, “Thanks Kyle,” he utters sincerely, a soft smile on his lips. He can almost hear the smile he’s sure Kyle is sporting as he listens to him leave the room. And then suddenly he’s alone with Michael again and it’s a whole different feeling that settles against his chest. He sucks in a breath as he turns his attention towards the cowboy. He opens his mouth to speak, but Michael beats him to it.

“I know exactly what you’re about to say and no, I’m not leaving. I really hate the thought of you being here alone and my head goes to all of these bad places if I can’t see you so…I’m not leaving here unless it’s to walk you down to my truck and bring you home,” he states with a finality that has Alex closing his mouth. 

He’s not sure what to say to Michael. His head hurts, the pain is starting to become sharp and not easy to ignore. He sighs softly, resigned to feeling bad that Michael has to waste his time in a boring hospital room. He also doesn’t completely understand why Michael wants to stay. Sure, they’ve been working on being friends and it’s been going well, and though Alex wants to hope it’s more than that, he can’t quite justify that with the fact Michael had told him they weren’t good for each other, not in the sense Alex wants anyways. Although a whole litany of words fights for freedom, all Alex can manage to do is utter a soft thank you before his eyelids slip closed and he’s falling into a restless, and hopefully dreamless, sleep.


	2. A World in Disguise

The world swam in front of Alex as he sat at the edge of his hospital bed. He tuned out Michael and Kyle discussing his aftercare to stare down where his hands laid limply across his thighs. He could make out their coloring, the tanned skin laid over dark jeans, but nothing had a defined shape. He huffed to himself as he thought about how he could now relate to a goldfish in a bowl, viewing the outside world with no way to define it. The only golden thread he clung to was that this condition should only be temporary. He had a follow up with an Ophthalmologist in a couple days for some further testing and to either confirm or deny what the doctor had said about the condition. 

Finally, Michael and Kyle broke apart to come stand on either side of Alex. He lifted his head to stare straight ahead, not particularly interested in giving either man his attention. He just wanted to go home, curl into his bed, and wake up normal. 

“I gave Guerin all the meds and paperwork so he knows how to help you out at home,” Kyle stated softly, his hand moving to settle on Alex’s shoulder. The airman did his best not to flinch at the touch, “look, I know it’s not ideal and you hate to have anyone take care of you on a good day, but the more you let us all in, the faster you can, hopefully, get back to normal,” he stated, his fingers tightening ever so against Alex’s shoulder. 

Alex exhaled a long sigh, “Yeah, I know, just…I want to get out of here,” he muttered. All the words he wanted to say stuck behind his wall. He pushed up to stand, his footing unsteady as the world bled together and swam before him. He flailed out, but the steady grip of Michael’s work roughened hand closed around his own.

“Careful Alex, they brought a wheelchair in to get you downstairs and out to my truck,” Michael offered gently as he attempted to lead Alex towards it. 

A steely look settled over Alex’s features. He raised his chin defiantly and shook his head, “No, I can walk out of here Guerin, I’m not taking a wheelchair,” he stated pointedly as he moved to step forward. He knew there was no way he could navigate on his own so he was forced to wait for Michael to catch up and become a steadier presence at his side. 

“Alright Private, you know there’s no shame in it, but if you wanna walk, we’ll walk,” he acquiesced, his hand slipping more firmly into Alex’s to help guide him from his room. 

Kyle frowned, but moved the chair out of Alex way, “You better not fall on your ass Manes. I’ll call you later to make sure you two haven’t killed each other. Take care Alex, you’re still the strongest man I know,” Kyle uttered softly as he patted Alex’s other shoulder in a comforting manner. 

Alex flashed him a small, grateful smile as he moved forward with Michael at his side. He wasn’t too confident that Michael setting up camp in his guest room to help him through this was the best idea, but there wasn’t anyone else he felt same being vulnerable around. There was still so much that simmered between them, so many hurts that needed a balm, so many truths that needed to be faced, and so much anger that needed to be faced. He liked that they had started to chip away at their mountain with the comfortable friendship they had found with one another where they had just started to talk about their pasts without fear. Being forced to be around each other while he still felt so defenseless was likely to set them back from all the progress they had made in coming back to each other. 

Alex was pulled from his internal struggles by the tightening around his hand, “You know we all think you’re strong Alex, there’s no shame in leaning on any of us when you need it, we would never think less of you, you know that right?” Michael asked him so quietly he almost thought he had imagined it. 

Silence settled between them like a wet blanket as Alex struggled with his own confidence in even walking. He didn’t acknowledge what Michael had said until he felt the warmth of the sun against his face. He squeezed the cowboy’s hand before he could step forward to open the passenger’s side door for him, “Thank you,” was all he had the energy to dredge up for Michael, but he was confident the other man could hear everything else Alex had meant with the simple utterance. 

Michael grinned, “Yeah Alex, anytime, you know that,” he assured him, his voice full of all the warmth Alex knew he was undeserving of. 

Michael’s truck was as familiar to him as the back of his hand. He easily pulled himself into the cab to settle into the familiar bench seat. He closed his eyes against the bright light and to savor the smell of rain, oil, and something that was always just inherently Michael. Alex smoothed his hand over the seat next to him, relishing the way his fingers bumped over familiar divots and tears. He let his head loll to the side and bump against the cool glass of the window. The temperature difference helped the throbbing behind his eyes, an unfair side effect of his head injury, light caused a lot of pain, similar to thousands of needles being pushed into his eyeballs.

“Do you want to head straight to your place, or pick up some food?” Michael asked as soon as he’d settled himself behind the wheel. 

Alex only hummed in response, though Michael didn’t push for an actual answer. Once Alex felt the truck jump into motion he inhaled deeply, as if fortifying himself for something, “Home, please, I just…I want to be somewhere familiar so I can feel just a little normal before…everything,” he uttered, his arm closest to Michael lifting to flop uselessly as if attempting to demonstrate exactly what he had said. 

“Home it is, we’ll get settled and figure out what we do from there. I just…thank you Alex,” he breathed out softly. 

A frown pulled on Alex’s lips as he turned to face Michael, “What? I’m pretty sure I should be the one thanking you Guerin. I can’t imagine it’s fun to take care of some invalid,” he spat the last bit, his tone laced with venom as he turned back towards the window, this time, however, he smacked his forehead sharply against the glass, “Oh fuck,” he grunted, his hand moved up to gently massage the bit he’d smacked. 

Michael hissed in sympathy, “That sounded painful,” he tried for light-hearted, hoping to play off the incident to keep Alex from lashing out. 

Alex grit his teeth to keep from snapping at Michael. Nothing that had happened to him was the cowboy’s fault, but Alex felt like a pressure cooker whose lid was about to blow off. He wanted to stand in the middle of the desert and just scream until his voice was hoarse. He wanted to cry until there was nothing left to him, empty all of the bitterness, resentment, and weakness. He curled his fingers into fists, the crescent moons of his nails digging into the flesh of his palms. He inhaled deep, concentrating on the feeling of his lungs expanding with the air before he started to count. He let the moment wash away once he’d reached ten. He slumped back in the seat, his head resting limply against the back of the seat. 

“I feel like I should apologize right now for whatever might happen going forward. You…there are a lot of complicated emotions between us, things we had started to work on, things I want to work on so we can be…something, someday. I know I won’t always be pleasant and I’ll lash out, but just know, I am thankful for you being here, with me. Just…I still hear my dad sometimes in the back of my head reminding me how disappointing I am and how weak I am and how that reflects poorly on him,” he said softly, his gaze stuck up on the ceiling of the truck.

Michael’s hand moved across the space between them to gently squeeze Alex’s knee, “I get it Alex, and I think I can weather whatever you throw at me…you’re worth it,” he assured the airman. Alex wished, in that moment, he could see the grin he knew Michael would be wearing on his face. Instead he nodded, his own smile soft as he let silence lapse between them. 

The drive to Alex’s home didn’t take long. He felt the familiar jump of street to driveway when Michael turned into it. He sat up as the truck shifted into park. He listened to Michael gather up all the things Kyle had sent home with them before the telltale creak of his door signaled that he was getting out. Alex turned towards his own door and opened it without flailing around too much. He was just about to slip down from the seat when Michael caught him. 

“Okay, I get that you’re going to be stubborn throughout this entire journey or whatever, but I would like to keep you in one piece for as long as I can otherwise Liz and Maria will tie me up to a spit and roast me,” he chuckled, though Alex only shot him a droll look at the attempt at humor. 

“I think I can get myself out of a truck,” he muttered, but gripped Michael’s shoulder as the cowboy cupped his other elbow to steady him as he found solid ground again. 

“I don’t doubt that, and we’ll test that theory on another day,” he assured as he settled a hand against the small of Alex’s back, “until that day, let me be your eyes.”

Alex couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the cheesy line, “Oh my God, please, never, ever say that again, that was awful,” he stated, the hint of an amused grin pulled at his lips. Michael counted it as a win as he slowly led Alex up the walk to his front door. 

“Yeah, but it made you smile so it was worth it,” he added as he slowed at the threshold. 

Alex merely hummed in acknowledgment. He heard his door unlock and arched a brow, “Now you’re just showing off,” he muttered, the hint of a smile still on his lips as he shook his head at Michael’s antics. 

“Yeah, but you like it,” the alien teased right back as he stepped ahead of Alex to set everything in his hand on a bench along the wall.

He turned back to help Alex over the small lip of the doorway when he saw the airman move forward of his own accord. Everything seemed to move slowly and all at once at the same time. Alex’s toe caught on the lip of the door causing him to pitch forward. His hands shot out in front of him in a vain attempt to catch himself. Michael jolted forward with his arms out to catch the airman, but was still a couple steps out of reach. He pushed his TK outwards, enveloping Alex before he could actually hit the floor. A soft breath of air escaped Alex’s lips as he hoovered for a moment until Michael could curl his arms under Alex’s to help him back on his feet. 

“Thanks,” he murmured, his cheeks flaming with embarrassment. More than ever he wanted to find a rock and curl up under it. Not knowing what to do with himself he wiped his palms along the zip up hoodie he wore. 

“Yeah, of course,” Michael replied, his own heart still trying to slow back down into a normal beat. His hands hoovered a few inches above Alex’s arms before he made up his mind and gently gripped Alex’s forearm, “bedroom, yeah?” he asked to be sure he knew where he was going. 

Alex didn’t fully trust himself so he nodded. He held fast to Michael’s hand as they moved forward. The scare earlier made him take shorter and more shuffling strides. The move through his home was difficult. Michael called out directions and telegraphed every move they were about to make, and Alex hated every single moment. This was _his_ home, he shouldn’t feel like such a stranger in such a safe space. By the time he was seated at the edge of his bed he was vibrating with anger, but he bit down on his lip hard enough to draw blood to keep from lashing out at Michael. He felt the alien’s familiar warmth drift away from him. He turned his head in the direction he heard Michael moving towards. 

“I’ll leave you to get settled, maybe see what you have in your kitchen to make something to eat with. Please call me when you want to get up,” he implored, his fingers drummed nervously against his thigh as he held himself back to allow Alex space to settle and not feel so smothered.

Alex nodded sharply, “Thank you Guerin,” he said softly. He waited for the sound of Michael finally moving away before he shifted further up on his bed. He settled back against the small nest of pillows he had settled against his headboard. He lifted his legs to extend straight ahead of him as he worked through some breathing exercises. His prosthetic was beginning to smart from when he’d jarred it at the door. He knew he should remove it before he settled too much in his bed, but he suddenly just didn’t have the energy to do something so simple. 

Noises filtered in the longer Alex remained on top of his covers. He felt his phone vibrate in the front pocket of his sweats, but couldn’t muster the strength to fight it free so he let it go until whoever was calling hung up or went into voicemail. He slipped down further on his bed, his limbs loosening as he blinked up at the ceiling. There was nothing remarkable about his ceiling even when he had his full vision, but now, as it swam in front of his eyes it was almost like it had become its own galaxy. The white swirled with the shadows cast by the window on his far wall. He sighed softly as he followed a few strands of light before the strain on his eyes became too much. He drifted in limbo for a while, the gentle sounds of Michael in his home lulling him into a soft place of comfort where he could forget everything. He drifted into a deeper sleep as he pretended that Michael was in his home for a completely different reason than to just look after his sorry ass. For a moment, just before the darkness, Alex’s house felt like a true home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always very much appreciated :)


	3. Sunsets and Sunrises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally edited the story's summary to better fit! Also, what a great day today for America and for love and kindness! To celebrate I give you some hurt/comfort! 
> 
> Unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own!

A loud bang pulled Michael from his half asleep, half awake state he’d fallen into after dinner. It was his third day in Alex’s home and he felt like they’d made some decent strides since the accident. Isobel and Mex kept searching for Mr. Jones while Kyle attempted to recreate the files that had been stolen. Michael found that Alex trying to talk Kyle through coding was hilarious and always made sure he was close by when Kyle would call from the bunker. Almost every time Alex would hang up his phone, upset and demanding to be taken to the bunker where Kyle and he would bicker in person over how slowly Kyle typed. Michael knew better and begged off working on a computer and made himself busy with looking through the numerous files that had already been printed before Mr. Jones had found Alex and stolen the things he’d compiled. Michael pushed himself up from where he was lying on the couch and strained his ears a for a moment. 

The house was still and silent. He waited to see if Alex would actually call out for help, but if the barely intelligible curse he heard was anything to go by, Alex was going to attempt to be his stubborn self. Michael pushed up from the couch and ran a hand through his curls as he sighed. He steeled himself before he moved around the furniture and headed back towards Alex’s room. He frowned softly as he pushed the door open to find Alex sitting on the floor, his back against his bedside table.

“You good private?” he drawled with a grin as he moved to squat in front of the airman. He picked up the pieces of the glass bowl Alex had shattered when he fell. Michael’s smile faltered and dropped when he noted the small drops of blood. “You hurt yourself Alex,” he murmured softly as he reached for the other man’s hand. 

“I’m fine,” Alex snapped as he snatched his hand away from Michael. 

“I’m trying to help you Alex,” he uttered, a very light hint of his own snappiness underlying his words.

Alex glared at the amorphous shape that was Michael, “Yeah, well, you’re not always going to be here!” he spat venomously as he shifted to try and push himself up to stand again.

Michael recoiled, hurt by the sting of Alex’s accusation. His eyes roved over Alex as he fought to maintain a cool façade. He let the airman struggle up to finally sit at the edge of his bed. Michael finished picking up the pieces of the bowl and floated them into the trashcan on the other side of the room. He wasn’t sure how to respond right away and had learned to breathe for a few seconds to keep his temper at bay. He watched Alex’s jerky movements as he pulled on his prosthetic. Michael searched for the right words before he took a chance and settled down next to Alex on the bed. He could feel the rigid set of the other man’s shoulders next to him and frowned. He knew trying to take care of someone as stubborn as Alex would be challenging, but he’d been looking through rose-colored glasses since they had been making such great strides as friends. He settled his hands in his lap to keep from reaching for Alex.

“Why do you say that?” he asked softly as he stared ahead, afraid to face Alex at the moment. 

Alex’s jerky and pronounced movements died as he heaved a loud sigh. His shoulders finally slumped as whatever anger he was holding on to seemed to disappear, “Because it’s true,” he whispered. 

Michael frowned. His heart hurt to hear how defeated Alex sounded, but the more the accusation sunk in the more upset Michael became until he started to feel angry. He shifted on the bed so that he could face Alex, his leg drawn up on the bed, “No, you’re wrong, because in all of this, in all of our years being whatever we were to each other, I stayed. I was the one that was left behind first and I was the one that was always here when you called. You walked away from me first, you do not get to accuse me of not being able to be here for you. There are things I probably could have handled better, but we’ve moved past those and we promised not to push at old wounds. When we started being friends again, that was the one thing we had promised each other. The past is filled with mistakes and hellfire, we swore we would do better going forward. Don’t push me away, not now Alex,” he urged as he reached out to grip the airman’s forearm. 

Alex’s jaw ticked as he listened to Michael. He wanted so badly so scream at him and make him leave, make him stop caring because deep down Alex was afraid. He curled his fingers into fists and rubbed them along his thighs, “I’m sorry,” he breathed as he blinked against the frustration, he felt towards himself, “I just…I hate all of this and you’re the closest thing and I end up taking out my frustrations on you. It’s not fair, and I know that I’ve given you no reason to trust the fact that I want to stay now, that I want you in my life, but I’m glad you’re here,” he finally manages to admit. 

Michael’s thumb smoothed over the skin of Alex’s arm as he studied the airman. Alex stared straight ahead while Michael studies his profile. He knew they had traversed mountains on their journey back to one another. They had looked for love in other people, but it wasn’t the same. They didn’t shove past relationships in each other’s faces, instead they treated them as the building blocks they were. Alex still loved Maria and so did Michael. Sure, there was some jealously and some resentment before, but they’d hashed that all out over the course of a week filled with junkyard meetings and Crashdown dinners. They were closer to one another now than they ever had been before without needing to take their clothes off.

“I get you’re frustrated and being hurt and struggling to heal and cope is making you testy, but I am here Alex and I plan to always be here for you in whatever role you need me to be,” Michael assured him softly, a small, hopeful smile on his face.

The barest flicker of a smile twitched Alex’s lips, “I know, and you have been proving that so much lately, I just…this is like losing my leg all over again. You weren’t there for that, but it was so hard. I felt weak. I had my dad’s voice in my head telling me over and over that I was a disappointment. That even though I nearly lost my life for my country, I was still weak and didn’t deserve to be a Manes Man. I never wanted to be a Manes Man, but he just…I wished that he could just be proud of me for even just a second,” he breathes, blinking against the tears he suddenly felt tracking down his cheeks. 

Michael frowned as he listened. He wanted to pull Alex in against his chest and comfort him, but he didn’t want to throw Alex off. He tightened the hand on his arm before he reached up to wipe at the tears, “Even if your dad couldn’t see you, Alex, I always have and I am so proud of everything you did to be who you are today,” he finally uttered gently when it was clear Alex wasn’t going to continue. 

Alex smiled softly as he shifted on the edge of the bed to face Michael. He inhaled a shaky breath as he reached out towards the man. His hand floundered in the space between them before Michael caught it and laced their fingers together, “Thank you for being here. I know it’s not easy and I know I don’t make it easy either, but…being here and having all of my friends in my life again has shown me who my true family was the entire time. I learned a lot from Forrest in our time together and it made me realize so many things about myself and about the people in my life that care about me and that I need to let those people care about me. I struggled to accept it because my dad made me believe I didn’t deserve it, didn’t deserve to be loved…but I’m learning that that’s not true.” 

Michael’s breath stuttered and he moved before he could think. He shifted forward and wrapped his arms around Alex, drawing him close to his chest. He tucked Alex’s head under his chin as he buried his face into his silky soft strands, “You deserve love Alex, you deserve all of the love and I’m so glad you’re realizing that because you are so loved. I don’t care how hard it is on me, as long as you don’t push me away and let me take care of you, I can take anything you throw at me. I was so fucking scared when I saw you in the bunker. I thought…God, I thought you were dead,” he states, his voice laden with so much emotion as he hugs Alex even closer. 

The airman shifts in Michael’s grasp so he can wrap his arms around the alien in a more comfortable manner. He shifts a little more and nuzzles his face against the side of Michael’s neck, “I’m sorry to scare you like that, I swear I didn’t want to end up like this,” he teases gently as he lays a soft kiss against Michael’s neck. 

Michael feels the kiss like a zap of electricity. He swallows thickly as he gently eases them apart. He smiles so softly as he moves his gaze along Alex’s form, “You sure private? This wasn’t some elaborate plan to get me to yourself for a while?” he flirted with a waggle of his brows.

Alex huffed a laugh, the heavy mood from before finally dissipating like fog. He leans forward to feel for the crutch between his bed and the side table, “You know me Guerin, playing the long game,” he replies as he levers himself to his feet. This time he stands dutifully to wait for Michael to cup his left elbow to help guide him from the room. 

Michael can’t help the snort of amusement at Alex’s words, “Naw, I think you actually did it because you love my cooking _and_ you knew I’d do all the grocery shopping and stock your house with actual food and not processed or frozen meals. I’m on to you Manes,” he jabbed back as they shuffled towards the bathroom. 

Thankfully, after spending nearly a week together, they had developed a routine so Michael knew all the parts he played. He settled Alex at the bathroom sink so he could brush his teeth before going into the living room to complete his evening PT exercises. Michael settled himself on the toilet and waited for the airman to finish. A companionable silence settled between them. Michael shamelessly watched Alex move and appreciated the hint of muscle he spied any time Alex’s movement caused his shirt to ride up or expose a little bit of his perfectly tanned skin. 

“Have you heard anything from Max or Isobel on Mr. Jones?” Alex finally asked which pulled Michael from his daydreaming. 

“Nothing yet, Max has been having some really weird dreams lately, but they don’t seem to be anything important. He thinks they’re memories from before, from where we’re from. He said it’s fuzzy and by morning he can only remember very little of what he dreamt. Isobel is constantly working to improve her abilities and helping Rosa with various projects. Other than that, and Max pining over Liz, we don’t have much,” he admits as he gets to his feet.

Alex hums in response as they make their way slowly back to his bedroom. He goes back to his bed and lets Michael remove his prosthetic. He frowns as he’s helped back onto his foot and leans into his crutch as they navigate towards the living room. He holds onto Michael’s hand tightly as he’s settled on the floor where he has space to do his stretches. He’s startled when Michael catches his hand and turns it over in his palm. He inhales a sharp breath when he feels Michael’s lips against the cut from earlier.

“Your cut doesn’t look too bad now, no band aid needed which is good because Isobel used the last of the Ninja Turtle ones Max bought me a couple years ago,” he shares with an easy smile as he settles himself on the couch. 

Alex huffs an amused chuckle, “Of course he would get you Ninja Turtle band aids and of course you’d use them,” he teases as he starts his usual routine. 

Michael makes an affronted noise as he turns on Alex’s Netflix, “As if you wouldn’t pick them up for yourself,” he accuses as he scrolls to Schitt’s Creek and presses play on the next episode. 

Alex grins to himself as he reaches for his toes on his left leg, “I wouldn’t, actually, I never got into them. Power Rangers were more my style,” he states as he glances over his shoulder with an amused grin. 

Michael rolls his eyes, “Please tell me you didn’t have a crush on Tommy,” he pleads and again he stares as Alex runs through his exercises. 

“Of course I did, I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and have him wrap his arms around me…I think that’s when I kind of figured out I was gay,” he shared as he sat back. He slowly scooted backwards until he felt the couch at his back. 

Michael sat up, ready to help Alex as he pulled himself up and onto the sofa, but the airman managed to maneuver into the opposite corner. He stretched his legs along the couch and tangled them with Michael’s, the only form of touch they allowed themselves in the shared space. Michael shifted himself closer so that he could ease Alex’s right thigh into his lap. He massaged the stump as they both settled in for the night. Michael smiled softly to himself. He could see this in his future and he wanted it forever, but they still had their past to conquer before they could head into their future together. Michael curled his fingers around Alex’s stump as he sank back into the couch and let the noise from the TV move over them and the bubble they created with each other. For the first time in over ten years, Michael couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are love!!


	4. Ink Stained Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next installment features some Alex/Iz and Max/Michael bonding!
> 
> Posting this uber late and without being beta-read because I have no patience! I will read through tomorrow and correct any errors I find!

The clack of nails against wood grate on Alex’s nerves, but instead of saying something he bit the inside of his cheek as he focused on the plate in front of him. He could vaguely figure out with quadrants held which breakfast foods by the wobbly colors in his vision. He poked at the pile of scrambled eggs, a frown pulling the corner of his lips down before he just dropped his fork. The clacking of the nails against the table stopped. 

“You know, if you don’t touch anything on that plate Michael will blame me instead of you and I refuse to take the fall for you Manes,” Isobel intoned as the distinct sound of a phone hitting the table sounded. 

Alex cocked his head, “I don’t know how it’s escaped everyone’s attention, but I am an adult and I can actually take care of myself. I don’t need babysitters,” he pouted as he picked up his fork again to scoop some of the eggs onto it. 

Isobel frowned as she watched him. It had been almost two weeks since everything had happened and, in that time, they hadn’t managed to find any trace of Mr. Jones. They had all assumed it meant he was creating some sort of trap for them. Kyle was limping through running codes as Alex dictated until they hit a wall where Alex’s lack of vision prevented him from being able to throw numbers and letters at Kyle. They had only managed to dig up two of the files that Mr. Jones had stolen. There hadn’t been a lot of information in them, one had records for doctors, scientists, and psychiatrists along with their various reports from Caulfield. The other file had lists of locations that had presumably been scouted for opening another facility like Caulfield. Currently different teams were sent out to check the sites and see if they offered any more information, but so far no one could find anything. Alex wished he could do more, could see everything they were looking at and offer his own insight given a handful of the sites were actually under military ownership. 

“Have you thought more about having Max heal you?” she asked instead as she picked her phone back up to continue her work.

Alex managed a few more bites from his plate before he pushed it away. There was a lot of truth to the fact people ate with their eyes first. Ever since the world had turned into one huge abstract painting, Alex’s appetite had dipped. He wiped the crumbs on his lips off before he looked up in Isobel’s general direction, “I have and I still refuse. He hasn’t been the same since his encounter with Flint all those months ago and I’m not going to add to that strain. All of the doctors and specialists have assured me time and again that this entire issue is temporary caused by the trauma to my head. I’m dealing with it,” he assured her for the umpteenth time. 

Isobel merely hummed before Alex heard her get to her feet, “I’m bored and as much as I love your house, I need some air and I think you do too. Let’s go shopping,” she suggested, a lilt of coyness in her tone that Alex assumed wouldn’t turn out well for him in the end. 

He groaned as he pushed himself way from the table. He slid his hand along the edge until he found his newest addition to his adaptive equipment collection, a white cane. Although he hated it on principle alone, it allowed him to retain at least a bit of dignity when he was in public. He shoved the folded cane into the pocket of his hoodie as he held the table while he walked, “Why does that sound more like a project than something fun?” he asked, a smirk curling a corner of his lips. 

He wanted to protest the excursion, not wanting to be a burden on Isobel, but in all honesty, he thought he might actually go crazy if he stayed inside for another day. As much as he loved Michael, the man was incredibly stubborn when it came to taking Alex outside of his home. He wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth if Isobel wanted to get out and do something. His hand came to the end of the table and hit open air, but Alex knew it was sixteen steps between where his kitchen table ended and the wall of the hallway to his bedroom began. In the time he’d been stuck home he’d come to learn the layout rather well, counting the steps between the various things in his house so that he could independently move around. 

Isobel scoffed behind him. Alex was infinitely grateful she stayed at the table instead of taking his arm to help guide him, “I know you can’t see yourself Alex, but if I’m stuck looking at you then I want to make sure you look good, besides, a little birdy told me you and Michael are possibly on the verge of getting your heads out of your asses. I just want to give you guys a tiny little nudge in the right direction,” she stated in a faux innocent tone. 

Alex didn’t need his vision to know she was looking at him with her patented big doe eyes. He reached down and plucked at the hem of the shirt he wore. He tipped his head down as if he could make out the finer details of the garment, but in reality, it was a blob just like anything else. He could feel where every single hole was in the decades old tee shirt. To be honest, the sweats he wore were in no better shape. Suddenly he became self-conscious about how messy he looked and that Michael had been there every single day and saw him as such. 

Before Alex could get too deeply in his own head Isobel called out, “Oh stop worrying Manes, you know my brother would drool over you even if you were in rags and smelled like something that died in the trash.”

Alex huffed, his hand finally coming into contact with the wall that led towards his bedroom, “That’s disgusting, and oh so reassuring,” he uttered back, the sound of his eye-roll clearly evident in the cadence of his voice.

Isobel grinned, “Oh just go get dressed…in jeans,” she shouted the last bit as Alex disappeared into his bedroom.

It was easy to just shrug Isobel’s words off. He knew she meant well and in the past year she’d been trying to rebuild the bridges she’d burned during and even after high school, so Alex didn’t often fight her on her whims. They rarely ever hung out, just the two of them, it was nice to have a different sort of relationship to fall into when he needed something drastically different that his usual routine. He also appreciated her honesty and no bull shit attitude. She was definitely someone he wanted on his side fighting for and with him. They also both loved Michael and wanted him to be the absolute best version of himself he could be, so it only made sense to befriend her. 

He pushed all of his thoughts aside as he concentrated on moving around his room. He’d taken more care to map out the small area so that he didn’t end up on his ass again, though there were still times he stumbled or ran into some piece of furniture. He’d learned to take things slower. He pushed himself to be more self-reliant so that he could tell Michael to go home and relax or spend a night at The Pony so he and Maria could continue to mend the pieces of their friendship. He wanted Michael to have another person in his circle that loved and supported him. 

Once again, Alex pushed through his thoughts to focus on the task at hand. He placed his hand on the top of his dresser and slid it down, counting the drawers until he reached the one where his jeans were all neatly folded. He moved his hand over the different pairs, trying to feel out the ones with the softest and most pliable fabric which indicated they were comfortable and well loved. Finally, his fingertips tripped over thinned material and traced along the frayed ends of a pair. He pulled them from his drawer and held them up and away from his face to make out what color they could be. He was happy to see he’d managed to find his favorite pair of black jeans, or so he hoped. The undefined splotch of color looked black, though that could be attributed to the light in his room. No matter, he laid them over his shoulder as he counted again to find the drawer with his tee shirts, then the drawer with his socks.

“Chop chop Manes, if you’re not dressed and out here in the next five minutes, I’m leaving you behind and I don’t even care if Michael yells at me for it,” Isobel shouted from the kitchen. 

Alex grinned to himself. He truly appreciated the fact she didn’t handle him with kid gloves. He shuffled the three and a half steps to his bed and tossed the clothes down, “Don’t threaten me with a good time Evans,” he shouted back, the grin never leaving his face. In these little pockets of time, it was hard to remember that there was another alien threat out there planning something.

***

Sunlight bounced off the windshield of Max’s jeep causing Michael to squint against the brightness. He had his arms crossed loosely over his chest as he watched his brother walk in another circle. Dust kicked up from Max’s heels as he came back around and met Michael’s gaze. He shrugged as he walked closer. Michael sighed as he reached up to wipe beads of sweat off his forehead.

“There’s literally nothing here and none of the maps even hint at any hidden caves or underground tunnels. What could the Air Force want with a patch of dirt?” Max uttered with a frown once he’d come closer to Michael. 

“It’s the Air Force Max, who the hell knows why they do anything,” he muttered as he pushed away from the Jeep.

Max scrubbed a hand through his hair, a frown still pulling at his lips as he turned to survey the space. A small whirlwind of dust twisted across the open area before disappearing. He scratched at the scruff along his jaw before he turned back towards his Jeep and pulled the driver’s side door open, “Don’t you feel something here though? Like…I can’t really explain it other than…a heaviness in my lungs and a sense of familiarity,” he shared as he pulled himself up behind the wheel. 

Michael furrowed his brow as he rounded the vehicle to fall into the passenger’s side seat, “It’s just another patch of desert. All I feel is frustrated and sort of sick thinking that Mr. Jones is out there probably watching us and planning something epic,” he stated as he pulled the seatbelt across his chest.

Max hummed noncommittally as he stared back out into the middle-distance, “Something just _feels_ different here. Maybe it’s something with the magnetic fields or something,” he stated as he shifted into gear. 

Michael huffed, “What the hell do you know about magnetic fields?” he asked, a teasing lilt to his voice as he glanced over at Max. He was glad to see the small grin on the other man’s face which had meant his teasing had landed correctly.

“What? I know…things,” he chuckled as he navigated through the desert, back towards the highway.

Michael snorted as he shook his head, “Yeah, you know Russian literature and emo epic poems. Magnetic fields and physics aren’t really your thing.”

Max made an affronted noise as he glanced over his arm at Michael, his eyes glimmering with the grin on his face, “You don’t have an exclusive right to science things Michael, I can know those sorts of things too. I wasn’t too far behind you in school you know,” he defended good naturedly as he slowed near the highway to check for traffic. 

Michael chuckled as he looked out the window, “Yeah, yeah, anyways, you talked with Liz recently?” he asked, hoping for some good news. 

Max made a choked off sort of sound as the grin completely fell away from his face, “No…I’m still not sure I can talk to her without shorting out the entire town. I still…I still have a lot of feelings about what she did and I don’t know that I can express them to her without completely destroying us in the process,” he admitted slowly. 

Michael hummed. He could relate on some levels with the issues Max had been facing with Liz. He knew a thing or two about the person you love leaving you and hurting you in unimaginable ways, but still wanting to forgive them. Love was twisted like that. He drummed his fingers against his thigh, “You know, I could maybe give you some advice when you’re ready for it. I know she still loves you and she still wants to be with you, but it’s going to take you both some time and some painful conversations first.”

Silence settled over them for a few beats before Max’s face softened and he glanced over at Michael again, “What about you and Alex? Have you guys talked and made amends yet?”

Michael coughed lightly as he turned his full attention out the window. It was still a little awkward for him to talk to Max about Alex and especially harder for him to accept the fact Max was rooting for him and whoever he ended up with as long as it made him happy. He scrubbed a hand over his face and suddenly felt weary, “I dunno, maybe? A little bit at least? I mean…we haven’t exactly said everything we both need to say to each other, but we’ve had these moments where we’ll each kind of say a little bit and it feels good. It feels…hopeful,” he admitted before he even realized the word vomit that was happening. 

Max couldn’t help the grin as he looked over at Michael, “Hey, that’s really good to hear man. I know this entire situation can’t be easy for either of you and especially Alex, but you’re both still alive and in one piece,” he teased as he turned his gaze back out towards the highway. 

Michael scoffed and reached over to punch Max’s arm, “Oh shut-up. It’s weird getting into this mushy crap with you. Anyways…I think we’re finally finding our ways back to each other and we’re doing it right this time, or we’re both just super conscious of the fact that if we can’t make things work this time…then we won’t ever be able to make it work. I don’t want that…I need him in my life,” he said softly, his eyes drifting down to where his fingers worried at a small tear in the thigh of his jeans. 

Max frowned thoughtfully and glanced over at Michael quickly as he turned off down another familiar road, “You both have said it before, you guys are cosmic and the universe is finally pushing you together like you’re meant to be. You’ll both get there and Alex will get better and you guys are going to be so grossly happy,” he said again, his tone a little sappy and over-exaggerated in hopes he could pull a smile out of Michael. 

It worked, a grin lit across Michael’s lips, but then faltered when he recognized the route they were on, “Hey, wait, I thought you were taking me home. You know if we leave Izzy and Alex alone for too long, either the world will suffer or they’ll maim one another,” he stated as he watched buildings begin to bloom from the desert. 

Max shrugged, “Iz texted us, she took Alex shopping and won’t be back for a while so I figured I’d take my brother for a drink and try to kick his ass in a game of pool,” he challenged with a cocked brow as he pulled into The Pony’s parking lot. 

Michael arched his own brow back at him, “Oh yeah? You think you can beat me Evans?” he grinned, feeling light for the first time in weeks as Max pulled into a parking spot. 

There weren’t a lot of vehicles in the lot. The horizon was painted with the colors of twilight as both men dropped out of the Jeep, dust kicking up around them as they trekked towards the bar. Soft melodies of an old country song flittered out into the night as Max pulled the door open to usher Michael in ahead of him. 

“Losers first,” he teased and jumped out of the way when Michael tried to hit him again. He laughed as he followed his brother into the sparsely populated bar. Maria looked up and grinned when she saw them enter and started to prepare their usual drinks.

***

Hours later the sun had fully sunk below the horizon and a chill crept into the late spring air. Michael had his window rolled down a fraction while his forehead rested against the cool glass. He didn’t drink much, but he knew he was on the precipice between being sober and being tipsy. He was close to floating as Max turned into Alex’s driveway. His eyes fluttered as Max’s headlights swept over the stucco home. His heart gave an odd pang as he lifted himself from the passenger side door and a frown fell over his lips as he noticed the very distinct lack of Isobel’s vehicle. He straightened a little more, worry starting to grip his insides before Max’s hand landed on his forearm.

“Hey, it’s okay. Iz would have called if something crazy happened. She probably only left a couple of minutes ago. I texted her before we left The Pony to let her know we were on our way,” he assured Michael, whose breathing had started to speed up. 

Michael only nodded in acknowledgment as he pushed his door open, “Yeah…you’re probably right,” he murmured, but his eyes were glued to the front door as memories of cautiously entering months before washed over him. He’d found Jesse then, so he had to remind himself that that particular monster was dead and buried. 

“Call if anything’s wrong,” Max ordered before Michael could slam his door shut. He waited until Michael had entered the house before he left.

The house was entirely too dark and still once Michael entered. He removed his Stetson and placed it on the bench inside the door and kicked off his boots. He moved slowly through the entryway and living room before a breeze from the kitchen hit him. He frowned and changed his course and headed towards the sliding doors that led out to Alex’s porch. The door itself was cracked and when Michael glanced out into the backyard, he saw a very recognizable silhouette in one of the chairs. Michael’s heart finally settled as he pushed the door open and stepped out.

“Alex, what are you doing out here? When did Izzy leave?” he asked as he slowly sank down into the chair next to him. 

The airman merely hummed softly at Michael before he blinked and turned to look at him. It was too dark out for Michael to make out exactly what the look on his face was, but he felt Alex’s fingers against his hand so he opened it. Alex curled his fingers with Michael’s and returned his gaze to the sky. Silence passed again for a couple of minutes, each man just breathing in sync with each other before Alex finally broke the silence. 

“You know what I miss the most?” he asked, his voice a soft, fragile whisper. 

Michael shook his head, then remembered Alex couldn’t see him so he cleared his throat, “No, what?” he prompted when Alex didn’t continue his thought.

“The stars,” he breathed, a sad smile curving along his lips as he blinked, but only the inky black of night remained. 

Michael squeezed the hand he held, “I can tell you which constellations are out right now,” he offered, his thumb moving over Alex’s knuckles as he turned his gaze up at the sky, the stars glittering high above their heads. 

Alex hummed, “Please? I love the sound of your voice when you talk about the stars. For everything that happened between us and has yet to come for us…we’ll always have the stars,” he uttered, his voice laced with all kinds of complicated emotions. 

Michael’s heart seized in his chest as he recognized the words Alex had uttered, it was what Michael had told him back when they were seventeen and he spent a night trying to impress Alex with his knowledge of the galaxies when they were cuddled in the bed of his truck. He grinned and scooted his chair closer to Alex, “Yeah, no matter what happens, we’ll always have the stars,” he whispered and turned his head as soon as he felt Alex’s fall onto his shoulder. He nuzzled into his hair to plant a soft kiss atop Alex's head before he launched into naming all the constellations and stars that dotted the sky above them. For everything that was sure to come, Michael would fight like hell to make sure they always had the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos feed me!!!


	5. Shifting Planes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excused for how long this update took me. But hey, we're gonna be diving into the excitement here soon! I hope you enjoy!!

Ever since the night they shared under the stars, something had shifted between Alex and Michael. Neither man could put a name to it, but they both felt hopeful in a way that had escaped them both before. They both knew that this tenuous line they walked was so fragile, the years behind them had beat against it, so now it barely had anything to keep it from snapping. This time around was their last chance, either they would get it right this time, or they’d fail. In true Michael and Alex fashion, they both ignored the shift, which in turn created a different sort of tension between them. They both put on different masks throughout the day, and each night both laid in their beds wondering, trying to find the words that had escaped them for over a decade. 

It takes approximately three days and one nearly explosive fight for Alex to crumble under the pressure. He supposes it’s fitting he be the one to start the conversation. He’d dealt a lot of blows each time he’d leave or hide Michael. He also treated Michael as if he were inferior because of the things Jesse Manes had put into his head. There was a lot of hurt between them, and they had to both atone for their actions, but for Alex, he figured it was time for him to man up and show Michael he could be the person he deserved. He’d taken advantage of Kyle’s shift for babysitting and had the man messing around in the kitchen, helping set up a simple dinner for when Michael would get back from his shift at the junkyard. 

“Are you sure you’re doing that right?” Alex asked from where he stood hoovering at Kyle’s elbow. 

Kyle frowned, “You want to do it yourself?” the doctor snipped back as he pushed a spatula through the pan of sizzling meat and veggies. 

“I would if I could,” Alex retorted as he pushed away from the counter. He knew he was fretting about. His nerves felt like they were flayed open as he milled about the kitchen. He wanted it to be as perfect as possible. Michael deserved that much, if not more for the sacrifices he’d made to stay with Alex as he got used to his vision loss.

“Look, you’re not doing either one of us any good just hanging around criticizing my cooking. Why don’t you go take a shower and get dressed? You still have like an hour or so until Michael gets back,” Kyle encouraged, his voice soft as he turned away from the stove to regard Alex. 

Alex frowned again as he studied the doctor. There was a witty response on the tip of his tongue, but he bit it back. Kyle was being supportive. He was helping. He didn’t deserve Alex’s ire. He blew a breath out through his nose as he nodded, “Yeah…yeah I’ll do that. Uh, and, thanks again Kyle, for helping me out with this,” he added with a small quirk of his lips. He didn’t give Kyle the chance to respond as he turned away to make his way back towards his ensuite. He wasn’t moving terribly slowly anymore, used to the layout of his home, plus he’d started to use one of his crutches like a cane to avoid hitting the large pieces of furniture in his home. 

The sounds of Kyle tinkering about in the kitchen faded the further he got from him. Soon silence all but engulfed him as he stepped into his bathroom. The heavy door clicked shut softly. He stood in the middle of the room, his ears straining as every little sound reverberated off his ear drums. He turned towards the sink where he could hear the water dripping from the faucet. He could even pick out the sounds of his home settling. It was odd to know how many little things happened day in and day out around him that he missed. He shook himself from his reprieve as moved towards the tub. He slipped his hand along the lip to find the knobs for the water and started to turn them. He tested the water every couple seconds to make sure it was to his liking. Soon he could feel the steam rising around him coating the room in a fine mist.

Alex takes care to remove his clothes. In the silence of the room, he closes his eyes, plunging himself into total darkness. He breathes in deep and holds for a few seconds. He thinks back to some of the early words his therapist had given to him, of the coping techniques he’d taught to Alex. They had all come in handy over the years in different situations, but right now Alex is feeling more nervous than anxious. He listens to the way his body expands to take in the air. He holds his breath again, counting the beats of his heart as he works to clear his head. He visualizes all of the thoughts, all of the ideas, and all of the worries in his head a bits of computer coding. It’s something he’s familiar with, comfortable with because he can easily control and manipulate it. He busies himself with writing various codes in his head, that by the time the world starts to leak back into his consciousness, he’s feeling much calmer and more sure of what he wants from the night. 

As soon as the water hits his skin, a relived sigh escapes his lips. Taut muscles start to loosen as the warmth of the water infuses into them. He sits under the spray for a few minutes, getting lost in the rush of the water, his mind blessedly blank. He moves through the process of cleaning himself, washing away the day as he prepares for the night. A small smile touches his lips as he imagines how it will go. He’s hoping for a positive outcome, but he’s also carefully crafting contingency plans in case it doesn’t go as he plans. 

By the time the water starts to cool, something Alex doesn’t usually experience as he’s a quick showerer, a trait instilled from his family and the military, he’s figured out what he wants to say to Michael. He turns the water off and carefully feels for the towel he placed on the little table next to the tub. He sighs into the plush fabric as he pushed his face into it. He breathes in the scent of his fabric softener, relishing in the peace of the moment. As he shifts off his shower chair, using his grab bars to stand and find his balance, sounds of the world outside start to drift in again. He can hear a faint melody from the kitchen, Kyle taking Alex’s absence as an opportunity to put on some music to work. Alex snorts to himself as he recognizes the tune as something poppy and so befitting of Kyle. He dries himself off and wraps himself in a towel before heading into his room. 

Showering had been the easy part, now faced with what to wear, Alex bites at his lip as he squints into the depths of his closet. The colors of his clothes shimmer and shake in his vision until he’s not sure where one article ends and another begins. He shuffles forward, his hand moving to feel the different fabrics over the pads of his fingers. That action doesn’t help him much, but he does start to pull at some of the clothes to separate the colors from the others until he just decides to pick one and toss it on his bed. If worse comes to worse, he’ll have Kyle assess him and help him pick out something else if needed. He slips on a clean undershirt and deftly buttons up, what he hopes is, a blue plaid, long sleeve shirt. He had just buttoned his jeans when there was a soft knock on his bedroom door. 

“I hope you’re not naked, I’m coming in,” Kyle called as he turned the knob. 

Alex smirked, “Your virtue is safe,” he called back as the door swung open. 

“Not bad Manes, I thought I’d get to ask you if you got dressed in the dark,” he teased as he approached Alex slowly. 

Alex blew a breath out of his nose, “You’re hilarious. Why’d you come in?” he asked as he moved towards the hallway so he could check on the food Kyle had made for him. 

Kyle hummed as he turned to follow after Alex, “I was coming to let you know I finished. I have the stir-fry on the stove on low to stay warm and the beers should be nice and cold by now. You no longer need me. I was going to head out. I also expect a text later letting me know how it all goes…just spare me the details,” he quips. Alex can only imagine the face he pulls with that statement. 

“Hey, thanks again for helping me with this and for the pep talk and not letting me wallow. I really appreciate it,” Alex uttered as he followed Kyle towards the front door.

Kyle grins softly as he steps into his shoes, “Anytime man, really. You both deserve this, so don’t fuck it up,” he teased he pulled the door open. 

Alex frowned at him as he stepped up to the threshold, “Oh, fuck you! That’s like cursing me to fuck it up,” he accused, his lips pulled down in a severe pout. 

Kyle chuckled as he turned back towards Alex, “Nah, I think you’ll be just fine Alex. Just be honest and fight through all the bullshit that the voice in your head, the one that sounds a lot like Jesse, keeps repeating. He’s not in control, you are, and it’s time for you to be happy and have what you want,” he encourages as he backs down the walkway towards his vehicle. 

Alex smiles softly as he nods, “Yeah…yeah I do deserve that. I’ll repay the favor in the future,” he promises with a smirk. He tilts his head when he hears the car door click open. 

Kyle laughs, “Don’t worry about me Alex, I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he calls out before he disappears into his vehicle. 

Alex huffs softly to himself as he turns back into his house. The door swings shut behind him as he makes his way back towards the kitchen. He plans to taste test the stir-fry Kyle made to gauge if he needs to put in an order for delivery, or if it’s up to par for Michael. Carefully Alex moves his hand above the pan until he finds the notch of the handle. Surprisingly he doesn’t burn himself as he pulls the lid free. He quickly darts in to grab something that feels like a floret of broccoli. The vegetable is hot so he quickly drops it on the counter to cool. After a few seconds he gingerly feels along the counter until his fingers bump the vegetable. He picks it up to pop it into his mouth. Ginger is the first flavor he registers before garlic and the tang of salt from the soy sauce overpower the other spice. He hums in contentment as he chews slowly, savoring the umami of the tender vegetable. He makes a mental note to let Kyle know he’s actually a decent cook. 

There’s no way he knows how long until Michael’s back though since Kyle left, he’s sure it should be in the next few minutes, just enough time for him to worry and overthink. To keep himself distracted he moves into the living room where he settles at his keyboard. His fingers move over the familiar keys. He inhales deeply and closes his eyes. He settles his fingers on the keys and starts to softly pick a tune. Memory moves his fingers over familiar and new paths. Notes filter through the air and he hums softly under his breath. He can’t stop his brain from creating words to the sounds, a story of love and loss. He’s so caught up in the music he doesn’t hear the door open or the loud stomping steps of Michael. Only as he comes down from the melody does he sense a presence behind him. He smiles softly as his eyes flutter open. 

“Don’t stop on my account private, that was really gorgeous,” comes Michael’s voice, a note of awe in it as he shifts his weight behind Alex. 

“Thanks, I uh, just started playing,” he admits, his hand moving self-consciously to the back of his neck as he turns towards Michael.

The look on Michael’s face is impossibly fond as his gaze flicks over Alex. Before the moment can get too awkward, or Alex can lose his nerve, he shifts off the bench and leans against his crutch, “Kyle left about twenty minutes ago, but before he left, I had him help me with supper,” he shares as he moves towards the kitchen. 

At the mention of food Michael perks up, “I thought I smelled something awesome when I walked in. What’d you have him make?” he asked curiously. 

Alex cleared his throat as he stopped to lean against the counter, “Just a simple stir-fry, honestly nothing super fancy. I wanted to do this for you and I wanted to talk to you about…us,” he admitted, pushing out all the words his head was fighting to keep inside. 

Michael stopped in his tracks, his eyes wide as he took in Alex, “Us? What kind of talk do you want to have about us?” he asked cautiously, a defensive edge to his voice as he edged towards the fridge and away from Alex. 

Alex sighed, “I was hoping we could eat and talk,” he uttered as he moved to pull down two plates from his cupboard. 

Michael grunted from where he was bent into the fridge. He grabbed two bottles of beer and set them on the counter. Alex scooped the food onto their plates and followed Michael to the table. He wasn’t sure where the other man would sit, so he decided to set the place across from where he usually sat. A moment after he settled himself Michael followed. Alex could tell, just by the way he set the bottle in front of him, that he was on edge, worried about what Alex had to say. In all honesty, Alex stayed silent as he worked up the nerve once more to tell Michael everything his heart had wanted to say since they were seventeen and explored each other for the very first time in an old shed. 

Just before the tension could snap, Alex laid his fork down and looked up in Michael’s general direction, “We’ve been through a lot, more than most people have in a lifetime. I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes and my past, and though I might not trade it for the world, it did push me to really knowing what it is I want…who it is I want. We both fought and flown, hurt and soothed, loved and hated. I’m sick of being weak, of bending to the will of my father, of thinking I could earn his love and still be the person I had always known I wanted to be. I hurt the people I cared about, pushed them away and got angry when they allowed themselves to be pushed. I have a lot of regrets, but I also have a lot of things that I’m proud of, and one of the things…one of the people I am most proud of, is you, Michael,” Alex states, his words waiver from nerves, but they are no less true. 

He swallows quickly before he can start again. He needs to get everything out, make sure Michael knows what his intentions are, what his wants are, “I wrote you a love song and at the time, I thought it was more of a goodbye. I thought it was a way of letting the past go, of trying to reconcile it somehow so that we could both move on, but I know now that I truly just want you to want to come home and be with me. There are things I know I could spend a lifetime telling you that wouldn’t even begin to cover all of the things I feel for you, but I need you to know that I love you. I am in love with you and I want us. I want to be with you.”

As soon as he finishes speaking, he starts to fidget in his chair. He’s not sure what he expects from Michael, but in the silence his brain starts to tell him how undeserving he is, how Michael doesn’t love him anymore, starts to drag him down the dark hallways in his head he fights to avoid every day. He curls one of his hands into a tight fist to keep from filling the silence with more words, taking back what he said and brushing it off. He edges into panic until he notices Michael’s form rising from the chair across from him. Alex watches him move around the table. He minutely relaxes into the warmth he felt emanating from Michael. His breath stuttered when he felt work-rough hands enclose one of his own. He turned towards the cowboy, his heart in his throat as he flicked his gaze over the quivering lines of the man he loves. 

It takes a couple tries for Michael to find his voice, and when he does it’s quiet, soft, and cracks in some places from emotion, “Wow Alex…I-I knew we’d have to have this talk eventually, but I thought it might be a little longer. I know things have been shifting between us since that night at The Pony, and I had always been hoping it would bring us back to this point. You know, it takes two to tango and I’m not without my own faults in this crazy story between us. I’ve hurt just as much, and sometimes even more than you hurt me. I reacted poorly at times and unfairly blamed you for a lot of things in my life not going the way I want, but every single time I always regretted letting you walk away so easily. I didn’t even fight to keep you then; thought it’d just hurt a lot worse to try and have you laugh in my face. I want us too Alex, I want you, that’s something that has never changed for me. I love you too Alex, so goddamn much that sometimes I don’t know if I’ll survive it,” he admits softly, his voice wavering as he tightens his hold on Alex’s hand. 

Alex wasn’t even aware he’d shed any tears until he feels the pad of Michael’s thumb against his cheek sweeping the salty tear away. He smiles, his lips parting in a wet laugh as he pushes into the palm Michael cups around his cheek, “I really do love you Michael,” he whispers again, this time he punctuates his words with a kiss against Michael’s palm.

A happy burst of laughter rushes from his lips as he grabs hold of Alex’s face and forces him to turn towards him. Michael leans in and nocks their foreheads together. He simply breathes them in, their intermingled scents of smoky wood and rain. Alex can feel his lashes against his cheeks as he raises his own hands to curl around Michael’s neck where he holds on for dear life. 

“This is it for me Michael, this means forever,” he breathes out, clarifying his intentions to never let Michael go as he juts his chin, his nose moving gently over Michael’s. His lips tingle with the need to taste the other man.

“I feel like I’ve waited my whole life to hear that from you Alex,” he murmurs, his own head tipping so that he ghosts his lips over the airman’s. 

Alex whimpers. He’s not proud of the needy noise, but he breaks first. He pushes forward to finally taste Michael. He whimpers at the familiar spark of electricity that moves between them. They waste no time opening to each other, both eager to take and taste the other. As soon as Alex flicks his tongue into Michael’s mouth its as if he’s tasting the sweetest nectar, his own version of ambrosia as he pushes close. It’s almost painful how hard they push into each other. His fingers move up and into Michael’s curls, pulling and steering as Alex plunders his mouth. Michael is no less enthusiastic as he sucks on Alex’s tongue and bites at his lips. Only when the need to breathe becomes too much do they pull back and start to suck in lungsful of air.

“Fuck, Alex, you’re never going anywhere, not as long as I can help it. I need you like I need oxygen,” Michael whispers as he moves to pepper kisses over Alex’s face. 

Alex grins, his hands moving to grip Michael’s wrists as he simply lets himself exist in the moment. The world fades to the background as he reviles in the attention. He knows, logically, their hard days are not over and their past isn’t done taunting them, but they’ve risen above it and have found each other again. Alex tightens his grip, “I feel the same Guerin, I’m not going to look away ever again and no more leaving. I promise,” he swears, leaning forward himself to press a soft kiss at the corner of Michael’s eye. 

Before either of them can suggest moving into the bedroom, the shrill tone of Michael’s cellphone breaks the moment. Both men jump apart, and the only reason Michael breaks away is because it’s Isobel calling. He frowns as he answers the call. He doesn’t even have a chance to say hello before Isobel’s frantic voice comes down the line. 

“Michael? I need you, there’s something wrong with Max, meet me at his place,” and then the line is silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos give me life!


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